How to turn your spouse off part 4

OMG!:'(I’m so very sorry.

I did not realize that I did not post the fourth way to turn your spouse off I so greatly apologize. I don’t know how it slipped past me or what happened but I do want to apologize to all my readers who have been waiting for part 4.

Well here it is.. How to turn your spouse off?  Being Selfish.

Kelly, what is that all about? Isn’t it okay to take time for myself? Yes. Of course it is. Just not to a point where all you are thinking about is yourself and your desires.

My mom always told me that once you had children that there was no longer any room for you to think about yourself. The word selfish no longer exists and the word needs to be replaced with the word selfless.

Marriage, I kind of think works the same way.  Whether you have children or not whenever you get married it’s all about the sacrifice of self.

Why? because it’s not just two worlds joining together, it is an abandonment of each individual’s own world so that you guys can come together and create a whole new world. 

One thing that can really mess up the beginnings the middle and sometimes even end a marriage is the fact that the person was selfish. In marriage yes your needs are important and they are just as important as the other person’s needs but at the same time you should always be thinking about how the other person will be feeling about whatever it is that is happening at that time.

For example: I am a very forgetful person. I have a terrible short-term memory and when I first got married my husband would get so upset with me because it appeared that I would just choose not to do whatever it was that he asked me to do. But it wasn’t, I genuinely have a terrible short-term memory my mom has told him, my dad is a witness, I don’t remember things I’m just not good at it. Now my long-term memory is amazing but my short-term memory is just not there. So as we were growing and developing together as a married couple I noticed that it was a problem and although my better half has learned to accept and love me and my flaws, I decided to do something about it myself. Although it is a character flaw, it can come across as selfish in that I remember what is important to me and not anything else, and although that is not my intention it’s in the eye of the beholder.

So I have a notebook. My chictionary..:) pronounced (sheeck tion ary) It’s a little black notebook and it says Chic on the front and what I do is I write down everything he asks me to do. Some times everything on the list gets accomplished and I’m happy because I’ve accomplished something and I didn’t forget. Other times one thing gets done, but now I know it was a personal choice and I can convey that to my spouse. I no longer have to use my weakness as an excuse and now he understands, Oh, it’s not that she’s not thinking about me or she is selfish or doesn’t care because she’s making the effort.

That is all your spouse wants, is for you to care and make an effort. You know?

And let’s be real…as women we  are naturally emotional creatures. Whether you choose to tap into it or not.  You know we react a lot of times based off of how we “feel” and not saying how we feel is not important but sometimes you have to get past how you feel when you married. 

Why? Because 90% of the time you’re not going to “feel” like doing everything that it requires to be married. That’s just real.  So if we go based off of how we feel I’ll marriage will be unsuccessful.

Your feelings will confuse you and make you feel unappreciated and make you turn in. During these times you need to talk to your spouse.

The quote comes to mind “be the difference you want to see in the world”. Well for you… be the difference you want to see in your marriage… and that starts with putting the needs of others (ie. Your spouse) in this case before yourself.

Sometimes it may be difficult, again because it’s your nature to go by your emotions but in the case of marriage tell yourself, no matter how I feel I’m going to do my part to ensure my household is in tact. To help ask yourself these two questions.

How will it make him or her feel? What would he or she think? As long as you continue to ask yourself those two questions while you’re in the situation and while you’re in your marriage you’ll be fine.

It’s when you stop asking yourself those two questions is when you have problems. The more you don’t ask yourself those questions the easier it will be for someone else to be what I called “the clean up woman” or man.

Okay it is such a turn-off to only think about yourself in marriage and believe it or not a lot of marriages do not survive this.

And you know my motto as I said in the last 3 post you will end up alone if you don’t check yourself…

On the brighter side, you will be able to do whatever you want to do but I guarantee you it will not be worth the sacrifice that you’ve made when you could have just took a little step back humbled yourself a little bit, deflated your ego a little and thought about the other person before you decided to do whatever it is or before you purchased those items,before you went to that specific place or before you talk to that specific person or before you made those specific plans.

So I’m telling you the fourth way  to turn your spouse off is by being selfish.

Hopefully your spouse is so in tune with you that they know your needs and can anticipate what you need for that day. Some days you will feel empty and overwhelmed, underappreciated and hopefully during those times your spouse will talk to your spouse (because no matter what you think they can anticipate but they are not mind readers and don’t get it right every time) step in and fill those open holes and spaces and hopefully it is the same for them because that’s what marriage is all about.  It’s about selflessness and sacrifice and understanding each other’s needs and putting those needs before your own.

Note: You are important and you need to fulfill your needs but just make sure there is a proper balance.

Until next time

All in love

K.D.

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